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Golf Humor


Decorative Golf Art
By Carson Cockman
 
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Besides working with my computer-controlled router and writing about my strangely fascinating relationship with golf, I sometimes create one-of-a-kind golf art.

Let me explain.

I was on tee at number four, after a day in which the golf gods had not been favoring me. As a matter of fact the golf gods seem to have it in for me. I feel like Odysseus after a 10-year voyage.

On one, the ball went south. The problem with that is that the hole was to the far north.

On two, my slice resembled the curve of the Spring moon.

On three Captain Hook had nothing on me…arrrrrgh!

So on four I teed up, went into a deep state of meditation and chanted my mantra:

“OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM…. MICHELSON… oooooommmmmmm…Master’s!”

I adjusted my grip to align with the major signs of the Zodiac and pulled my back swing as smoothly as grape skin. The pause at the top was a thing of beauty. I heard the music of the spheres!

Down I swung with the power of ten Tigers times two.

The follow through was sure and sweet as well water.

The ball lofted like a Barry Bonds homerun.

Slowly, at first, and then with gathering authority, the ball drifted to the left. It drifted more. It landed somewhere on Gilligan’s island.

It is then, that I had a sudden inspiration to make golf art.

Have you ever seen the guy at the carnival who twists balloons into animal shapes?

My one wood looked like an orangutan with his arms, legs and tail tied into a bow tie.

I stomped into the pro shop and threw it into the usual corner.

Lester Dingleman, the guy who man’s the grill at the clubhouse has one of my expositions every three months or so. You are invited. It is open to the public. He charges two bits for a look at my display of golf art. Apparently, he does good business with it. He is trying to arrange a showing for me at the Guggenheim.


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For more golf humor, please visit author Carson Cockman's Blog Site.

© Copyright 2006 by Carson Cockman

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