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My son recently brought home some friends who sported ear piercings that looked like hood ornaments off a 1959 Caddy. I talked with him rationally about it and tried to convince him not to get any on himself. I had about as much effect as President Bush would have getting Senator Waxman to smoke a stogie. Can you help?
Puckered in Seattle
Dear P in S,
Personally, i think you are using the wrong strategy.
I say a hearty "YES!" to piercings. In fact, I say let me help you son!
I would then pull out my Craftsmanâ Pop rivet gun and begin with his nether regions! Then I would use the snap riveter. You may not know what a snap riveter is.
It is a device that puts snaps into blue jeans. You can pop them open and pop them closed. I would then snap rivet his tongue to his knees.
Oh this is FUN! I never knew piercing was this much revelry!
Shall we do some more?
But I am really getting into this piercing thing, Son.
Are you sure I can't pop rivet your toes together?
It is quick, decisive action like this that will keep your son from looking like a key chain display.
Either that or you can take him to the next PGA Tournament and sell Tiger Woods key chains from his nose.