Ask Carson
By Carson Cockman
Ask Carson
A compendium of Golf and Life knowledge for guys hosted by a guy and for those guys who need answers about life’s ponderable questions.
Dear Carson,
My son recently brought home some friends who sported ear piercings that looked like hood ornaments off a 1959 Caddy. I talked with him rationally about it and tried to convince him not to get any on himself. I had about as much effect as President Bush would have getting Senator Waxman to smoke a stogie. Can you help?
Thanks,
Puckered in Seattle
Dear P in S,
Personally, i think you are using the wrong strategy.
I say a hearty "YES!" to piercings. In fact, I say let me help you son!
I would then pull out my Craftsmanâ Pop rivet gun and begin with his nether regions! Then I would use the snap riveter. You may not know what a snap riveter is.
It is a device that puts snaps into blue jeans. You can pop them open and pop them closed. I would then snap rivet his tongue to his knees.
Oh this is FUN! I never knew piercing was this much revelry!
Shall we do some more?
But I am really getting into this piercing thing, Son.
Are you sure I can't pop rivet your toes together?
It is quick, decisive action like this that will keep your son from looking like a key chain display.
Either that or you can take him to the next PGA Tournament and sell Tiger Woods key chains from his nose.
You can borrow my tools,
Carson
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